My New Year Book Reads (for self-development)

I recently wrote about Self-Care & Getting High (on vibrations) .

I wanted to share two well-known books that I’m currently reading while on my journey.


In conjunction with reading both books, I am using Higher, a self-care planner I created, as well as the Year of Yes Journal.

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Are there any books that you’d recommend for self-improvement?

Self-Care & Getting High (on vibrations)


Getting High

I recently released a daily self care planner/journal. I originally created it after searching Amazon for a planner specifically like the one I ended up creating myself.

The material simply lists over 50 acts to choose from and check off daily to help boost self-care, self-love, and higher vibrations. This daily self-care planner was created to promote self-esteem, self-care, self-love, aid in raising your vibration, and most importantly, transform your way of thinking about yourself. Each entry starts off with spaces to write in your affirmation (Example; I AM BEAUTIFUL/ I AM SMART). The goal is to perform at least one act from the 2-page checklist each day or to check off acts of self-care listed when performed organically.

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$10.99

Click here for purchase or more info


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Living Life as a Recluse

The thought of being amongst people causes uneasiness in me. Family functions are even worse. I avoid them at all cost, much to the annoyance of my cousin, who knows how I feel. Im just not comfortable being out unless its to do something for or with my daughter, and even then, it takes a great deal of effort. It’s something that I’m working on.

And forget about hanging out with friends. It’s gotten to the point where I prefer not to make new friends for this very reasons. The ones I do have usually have to drag me out and very rarily are successful at it.


Like everything else, there are negatives (isolation, depression, etc) and positives (self-reflection, focus, creativity, etc) about being a hermit. Check out the video below.


Interesting Stories about Hermits/Recluses


Click the pic above to be directed to my virtual bookstore

Codependent Relationships

In codependent relationships, you lose yourself in the other person and become needy. People like this usually feel like they HAVE to be in a relationship with someone or at least “talking” to someone. Experts say this sometimes stem from abandonment in childhood or stem from a child taking on a role of the parent.
It’s hard to leave, break up, or make a clean break. You end up breaking up and getting back together over and over again, finding it difficult to break the cycle.

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It is especially complex and harder to deal with when or if theres substance abuse or alcoholism involved on top of the low self-esteem or emotional issues.

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There are people that I know right now that are in codependent relationships and it has become their norm. They don’t even realize it’s toxic. Keep in mind that what I experience and what others exeperience in a codependent relationship can be different. Some also receive emotional abuse or physical abuse as well.

For more information on codependent relationships check out:

Are You in a Codependent Relationship? (Article)

6 Signs of a Codependent Relationship


The Dunning-Kruger Effect

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The Dunning-Kruger Effect: cognitive bias in which people believe that they are smarter and more capable than they really are.
The crazy thing about this is that, while we may know someone who this describes, we may be suffering from The Dunning-Kruger Effect and may not even recognize it.
This is something I briefly mentioned in bullet 1 in a previous post: 11 Things Ive Learned the Hard Way About Being an Indie Author & Finding Your Purpose/Gift

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As stated at the end of the video right above, because of the internet at our disposal, there are many people posing as experts online just because they’ve googled a topic. The Dunning-Kruger Effect is one reason why I made sure to clarify on my About Page that I am NOTan expert or mental health professional. I enjoy doing research and compiling the most informational resources into one blog so that others may learn, along with me.

So what do you think? Do you know anyone who falls into the The Dunning-Kruger Effect description? Do you?


Reference(s):
https://www.verywellmind.com/an-overview-of-the-dunning-kruger-effect-4160740

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Sugar: Toxic and More Addictive than Cocaine?

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If you’ve read my scifi book, Negus, you may have remembered a short story about aliens secretly conducting research on earthlings. In the below passage, the aliens provide feedback on sugar in a letter to other reseachers back home:

“There was one sandy textured ingredient in many of the food that we learned was called refined sugar. It is the most detrimental of all so far. We believe this is the main aggressor and contributor to the progressive aging and cell damage. The beings do not seem to be aware of this, as they feed their offspring this poison. It must also be noted that almost every single “food” here has this poison.

However, the chemicals have a very delightful taste! We have found in an unfortunate way, that some components of the additives are for addictive purposes. You see, after having sampled a few processed foods under the category of what they refer to as “sweets”, we began to experience a deep yearning for more. We have finally weaned off of the poison for good after numerous fails, with no intentions of ever consuming it again.” – Excerpt from my scifibook, Negus.


Virtually every processed food has sugar, including foods that most wouldnt classify as sweets (bread, pasta, pizza, etc). This may be one reason why processed food/comfort food is so addictive. There are other addictive additive in processed foods that also also accounts fot this. However, on this post, sugar will be our primary focus.


Why Sugar is so Satisfying

Hedonic Value:
According to verywellmind.com, “The hedonic value of sugary foods is the intensity of pleasure experienced by the person eating it. The point at which sweet beverages are most pleasurable has been identified at 10 percent. This is known as the “bliss point.” Food retailers keep their foods as close to the bliss point as possible to stimulate people’s desire to re-experience the bliss point by eating that food again and again.”
Dopamine:
Like drugs, sugar also releaeses dopamine, which is the brain’s reward system.


I also recommend everyone read or own a copy of The Brain Bible by John Arden, which explains in detail the physical affects of sugar on the brain.

An excerpt fromt The Brain Bible:
“Sugar is potentially destructive to the body, especially the brain. High levels of sugar contribute to premature aging, and aging makes you less tolerant to sugar in your blood.”
“Sugar stiffens protein molecules by creating pigments called advanced glycation end products (AGEs). AGEs act like a chemical glue that fuses molecules, causing a process called cross-linking. Consider what happens to a piece of meat when you leave it too long on the grill. Not only do you brown the skin, you toughen in. Overcooked meat is cross-linked, making it difficult to cut ot chew. When your cells have cross-linked, many processes become impaired.”

 


Just How Toxic is Sugar?


Beating Sugar Addiction

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References:
https://www.verywellmind.com/sugar-addiction-22149
http://theconversation.com/fact-or-fiction-is-sugar-addictive-73340

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11 Things Ive Learned the Hard Way About Being an Indie Author & Finding Your Purpose/Gift

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Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Imma gonna jump right into this. No need for an introduction as the title has already introduced exactly what this is about. This is to all the indie writers who had to learn the hard way, for those who may have already knew this before becoming independant, and to those who have no idea. (This may offend a few folks.) Here it goes:

  1. You probably aren’t as good as you think you areStop listening to your friends and family. They’re BIASED. Especially those who don’t read; they have no standard to go by. ( see The Dunning-Kruger Effect)

  2. Read your reviews (the real ones) for the right reasons- Don’t read reviews for an ego boost. Especially if majority of the reviews are from people you know. Read the real ones for a gauge on your work. Embrace criticism and learn what you need to work on. Even if the reviewer did not mention anything useful , be grateful that your work is out there and is being read by folks other than your loved ones.

  3. Your friends and family aren’t obligated to support you- Stop getting upset or down because your friends and family arent buying all of your books or sharing all of your posts. Not everyone is into what you’re into. Not everyone likes to read and not everyone is into the genre(s) you write. Also you may just not be as great of a writer/storyteller as you believe you are. (See #1). Go out and find your audience. This means you may need to pay for advertisements, do podcast interviews, give out a few free books, go out in person and find your audience through bookfairs, book signings, etc.

  4. Stop asking people to read your stuff (finished or unfinished)- It took me awhile to stop being offended whenever my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now) would not read something I was working on or had just finished. I vowed to never be with another man who didnt or couldn’t support me by reading my stuff. But perhaps this is selfish of me (still not sure). However i’ve learned that not everyone wants to spend valuable time reading pages of whatever youve written. Not everyone is interested in hearing about your writing. Especially if they don’t even like reading. I like to read and even I dread reading something that I may have no interest in or just don’t feel like reading. It feel like homework or just plain work. Let them volunteer or ask on their own. Hire a beta reader or do what i do: I go on facebook and ask for volunteers to act as a beta reader for me. I will say that sometimes this isnt a good idea if you’re looking for honest opinions, though. Why? See #1.

  5. It’s okay to go back and revamp your sh*t- You will make mistakes. You will cringe on some of your earlier work and book covers. Hell, i’ve been thinking about changing my pen name for awhile now. I have gone back a few times and revamped lot of my old covers as well.

  6. Just because you spent so much time writing your book, doesn’t mean people are willing to spend $25 or more on an unknown author- PERIOD. I know there are some who say that you need to know your worth but do it within reason. Think about all the facts first and research. Are you a well-known author? How long is your book? Is it a hardcover, paperback, ebook? Research the average ebook price in your genre and platforms, etc.

  7. Hire a professional- This is something I need to take my own advice on. If you’re serious about writing and don’t want to embarrass yourself: hire an editor, proofreader, beta-readers, graphic designers, etc. I do hire graphic designers and once in awhile I hire an editor. (I know, I know)

  8. Your readers aren’t idiots- They can tell when you’ve rushed on a book (guilty), they remember if you said that a character was an only child an a previous book, but now has siblings in the sequal, they know good writing, they know bad editing or lack of, and if you’re lucky enough, they know if you’re usually a good writer but didn’t deliver as good as they know you can. Take your time and do it for the ones who support you (not talking about friends and family)

  9. It’s okay to take a break- I don’t know if it’s the virgo in me, but it’s taken me awhile to learn not to have Writer’s Guilt. I’ve always felt alot of pressure to finish or start on the next book to a series. Especially when I receive messages from readers who are questioning when it’ll be out. I’ve been guilty of rushing on books to please readers but in the end, it ends up backfiring on me. (see #8)

  10. Don’t beat yourself up too bad when bitten by Writer’s Depression. Be grateful for the fans you do have and have try not to take yourself too seriously. Remember to have funIf you’re a writer, you know this is easier said than done but it’s important to know that alot of writer’s suffer from depression. I talk about this more in Writer’s Depression is REAL. Create a blog to vent, journal, or join a community of writers on social media or in person who will understand what you’re going through.

  11. Writing may not be your calling, gift, or purpose- It’s the truth. This is something that takes some searching within and really being honest with yourself. Below are videos on finding your calling/gift/purpose.


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