I love cashews almost as much as I love pistachios. I wanted to bring awareness of the health benefits of cashews, especially those coping with high blood pressure, those concerned with oral health, anemia, & diabetes.
I love cashews almost as much as I love pistachios. I wanted to bring awareness of the health benefits of cashews, especially those coping with high blood pressure, those concerned with oral health, anemia, & diabetes.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a subject or disorderI never really wanted to blog or research. Moreso than those with Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic personality disorder are disliked and hated by many ex-lovers. However, since I have released a new book where the main character is suspected of having traits of NPD (it is never confirmed or denied in the book), I wanted to delve a little in the world of narcissists.
But first, a little self-promotion of the book:
Speak to those in relationships with narcissist and i’m pretty sure they’ll mention the term gaslighting. Like the main character in my book, narcissist tend to gaslight, or manipulate, others.
Have you or anyone you know ever encountered a narcissist? Have you been diagnosed with NPD? Let me know in the comments below.
The choice and views of physician-assisted suicide versus the natural course of death for terminally-ill patients have been a long-debated and controversial matter. There are those who prefer the widely-accepted and traditional route of hospice palliative care, and then there are some who believe in the right of choosing euthanasia. Simply put, euthanasia is the practice of intentional suicide with the aid of a physician. These physicians can either supply a terminally-ill patient with a prescription for the life-terminating medication , or administer the drugs themselves. Euthanasia allows the patient to have more say over when and how to end their life.
As with any controversial debate, there are valid contrasting ethical and moral concerns on assisted suicide. Not surprisingly, most religious organizations view the act as immoral and an act against God. More than the fact that they consider the act a sin, are other concerns. The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, for example, predicts a possible increase of mishandling for those who are most susceptible, such as the elderly, the poor, minorities and the disabled.
Medical organizations and professionals who oppose believe that physician-assisted suicide would be in paradox of a physician’s Hippocratic oath not to harm patients as a trusted healer and medical advisor. Like the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, The American Medical Association also have concern for our vulnerable members or society. They fear providers may possibly be more inclined to suggest assisted suicide instead of providing whatever support needed to ease the transition. There are apprehensions within the medical community about patients being protected from corrupt doctors. The belief is that assisted suicide would pose a high ethical risk for the future, much like the opposition of eugenics.
In addition are concerns that some patients may opt in assisted-suicide for reasons unrelated to pain and suffering, such as guilt, being coerced, or feeling as if they’re a burden to their loved ones.
In contrast, those who do support assisted suicide believe that those in their last days should have the right to die in accordance with their own wishes. As far as shady or unethical doctors, many states that have legalized the practice have safeguards in place to prevent corruption. For example, in Oregon, not only must the request be voluntary, but it also requires two witnesses who can attest that it’s voluntary. In addition, the patient has to be the one to administer the drug. In a Colorado proposal, the state of the patient’s mental health during the request would be reviewed by a mental health professional if there is reason to believe that patient is depressed or not mentally sound. Two physicians would also have to confirm the terminal illness.
The decision of an end of life choice has always been a controversial subject matter and should remain so. The legalities, ethical, and morality of the issue should always be held under a microscope to be certain that society protects the vulnerable. Those who want the option to decide their final months of life should have that freedom, within strict regulation. Only those who are in this dilemma or have witnessed the pain and suffering of a loved one can truly speak on the significance of respecting and having an end-of-life choice. As far as everyone else, the moral and ethical obligation to keep this practice from taking a turn for the worst in the future relies on our due-diligence in keeping provisions in place.
Check out the video below for an unbiased and equally fair view on the matter
Other related video(s):
My favorite color is YELLOW. It’s bright, it’s cheerful, and it helps with my mood, especially when dealing with writer’s depression. Two years ago I even went as far as decorating my apartment livingroom in bright yellow decor with gray accents.
I recently found out about color therapy, also known as
and realized that this may be the reason to my attachment to the color yellow. So of course, I wanted to do a little more research on the subject.
Some of what I found was that color therapy is a not a new type of healing. The practice began in ancient Eygpt and is still practiced in that part of the world for healing.
In the western parts, I noticed that it’s not used much nowadays for healing except by natural healers, in saunas, by spa companies, and by some skin care retailers.
Check out the video below about color therapy and how even some skin care retailers are using it to sell products.
My favorite content creators on YouTube for guided meditations are The Honest Guys. Feel free to check out this guided meditation video when you have time, as well as other regular guided meditations by The Honest Guys.
Recently my daughter had a stressful week. During that time, I noticed that she asked me for more hugs, as well as hugged her cat and stuffed animals more. Hugging seemed to have a healthy effect on her. Which led me to researching about this everyday physical contact that we take for granted.
I remember reading that hugging is great for self-care and help boost high vibratons. Well, it turns out that there are more health benefits to hugging than people even know.
Check out the video below to learn more about the benefits of hugs for adults and children.
Keep in mind that it takes atleast 20 seconds to reap the healing benefits, according to studies.
Hugging should only be acted upon with consent. Mainly with people you know. Some people have phobias about touching or aren’t as comfortable with the idea.
Stretching is most often associated as an activity performed before any type of work out. However, stretching is something that should be implemented as part of our daily routine, especially as you get older.
I’ve always had a great respect for cucumber and have always recommended eating them daily. My daughter thinks they’re a tasteless, bland, and boring fruit. In reality they’re a godsend and I especially have a greater respect for cucumbers now that i’m 37.
Reason #1 CUCUMBERS HAVE ANTI-AGING POWER
As a kid, I used to always wonder why women in spas placed cucumbers over their eyes.
As an adult, I realize the anti-aging power in cucumbers and always try my best to include cucumbers in my diet (with the skin on).
Copper promotes collagen production and aids elastin. Cucumbers are packed with copper and antioxidants such as vitamin A & C. These vitamins regenerates collagen, prevents wrinkles & sagging, fights acne, and reduces the risk of skin cancer. They also hep lighten and brighten skin.
Cucumbers also contain vitamin B-12, B-5, & K.
Reason #2 CUCUMBERS AID IN WEIGHT LOSS
It should go without saying that cucumbers are low in calories. Because they’re high in water (95% water) and low in calories, research shows that they’re one of the best vegetables to add to your diet when trying to shed some weight.
Weight loss and the anti-aging benefits are my main reasons for respecting the fruit. Check out the video below to discover the many more health benefits and power of
If you’ve read my scifi book, Negus, you may have remembered a short story about aliens secretly conducting research on earthlings. In the below passage, the aliens provide send communication back home about the use of mobile phones on Earth. Check out the excerpt below:
Have the technologists yet figured out what the rectangular objects are in the photograph?
We are working on finding a way to have one of these devices in our possession. That feat in itself has proved to be quite the task as these devices seem to always be in the clutches of these beings. Perhaps it is of some sort of lifeline? We are eager to learn from our expert technologists on what purpose these devices serve these beings.
The device is always a short distance away. It must be a lifeline as we have both seen the beings in panic when the device is missing. This reason alone makes it a difficult task in obtaining the device for research.
If you’re like 66% of Americans, you may suffer from nomophobia. This year you may want to add descreasing phone usage to your list of new year resolutions. Execept unlike you’re other resolutions, stick to it.
There are those that have it so bad, that they develop
This year, think about reducing your phone usage and/or phone addiction. Interact with those in front of you, find a hobby, learn a new skill, read more, etc. Disconnect from the matrix and explore the world around you without posting it to social media
Get an alarm clock instead of using your phone
Turn off notifications
Put your phone away while eating, watching television, or anything else. Be present.
Stop taking your phone in the bathroom with you. Opt for leaving a couple of magazines in there instead.
Check out these videos for more helpful tips:
Interesting Related Video(s)
Haiti became the first black republic on January 1st 1804. I wanted to dedicate a blog on the Haitian revolution and a Haitian tradition many haitians, including myself, practice every year on January 1st. But first check out this wonderfully put together video on the Haitian revolution.
Go to any Haitian household on New Year’s and you’ll most likely find a big pot of soup joumou on the stove. This isnt to celebrate the new year, but to celebrate Haiti’s independence day.
Start With: 2 lbs of pumpkin squash–kaboucha, substitute: butternut squash and lots more good stuff Preparation time: marinate meat overnight, 45 minutes-prep time, cooking time-1 hr 30 minutes.
Marinate the meat the Night before
2 lbs of beef marinated overnight with
3 cloves of crushed garlic, 1 tsp of thyme
1 tsp of fresh black pepper
1 medium shallot
1/4 tsp scotch bonnet
juice of 2 lime
1 tbsp of kosher salt
1 tbsp chopped parsley
Ahead of Time:
beef leg bones: 2-3 lbs, cut into 2” pieces
2 stalks of celery
parsley, salt, and pepper to taste
Boil for 1 hour, add enough water for 12 cups of stock or substitute store-bought, sodium-free stock.
2 lbs of pumpkin squash–kaboucha, substitute: butternut squash
4 big carrots, medium slices
3 celery stalks, cut in medium cubes
2 medium leeks, cut lengthwise, in 2 pieces, half or third the length
2 medium turnips, peel, cut in medium cubes
3 medium Yukon gold potatoes, peeled, cut in medium cubes
1 lb cabbage, sliced & cut in med. sizes
12 cups of beef stock or store-bought sodium-free stock
2 tbsp of olive oil
I recently wrote about Self-Care & Getting High (on vibrations) .
I wanted to share two well-known books that I’m currently reading while on my journey.
In conjunction with reading both books, I am using Higher, a self-care planner I created, as well as the Year of Yes Journal.
Are there any books that you’d recommend for self-improvement?
I recently released a daily self care planner/journal. I originally created it after searching Amazon for a planner specifically like the one I ended up creating myself.
The material simply lists over 50 acts to choose from and check off daily to help boost self-care, self-love, and higher vibrations. This daily self-care planner was created to promote self-esteem, self-care, self-love, aid in raising your vibration, and most importantly, transform your way of thinking about yourself. Each entry starts off with spaces to write in your affirmation (Example; I AM BEAUTIFUL/ I AM SMART). The goal is to perform at least one act from the 2-page checklist each day or to check off acts of self-care listed when performed organically.
The thought of being amongst people causes uneasiness in me. Family functions are even worse. I avoid them at all cost, much to the annoyance of my cousin, who knows how I feel. Im just not comfortable being out unless its to do something for or with my daughter, and even then, it takes a great deal of effort. It’s something that I’m working on.
And forget about hanging out with friends. It’s gotten to the point where I prefer not to make new friends for this very reasons. The ones I do have usually have to drag me out and very rarily are successful at it.
Like everything else, there are negatives (isolation, depression, etc) and positives (self-reflection, focus, creativity, etc) about being a hermit. Check out the video below.
In codependent relationships, you lose yourself in the other person and become needy. People like this usually feel like they HAVE to be in a relationship with someone or at least “talking” to someone. Experts say this sometimes stem from abandonment in childhood or stem from a child taking on a role of the parent.
It’s hard to leave, break up, or make a clean break. You end up breaking up and getting back together over and over again, finding it difficult to break the cycle.
It is especially complex and harder to deal with when or if theres substance abuse or alcoholism involved on top of the low self-esteem or emotional issues.
There are people that I know right now that are in codependent relationships and it has become their norm. They don’t even realize it’s toxic. Keep in mind that what I experience and what others exeperience in a codependent relationship can be different. Some also receive emotional abuse or physical abuse as well.
For more information on codependent relationships check out:
The Dunning-Kruger Effect: cognitive bias in which people believe that they are smarter and more capable than they really are.
The crazy thing about this is that, while we may know someone who this describes, we may be suffering from The Dunning-Kruger Effect and may not even recognize it.
This is something I briefly mentioned in bullet 1 in a previous post: 11 Things Ive Learned the Hard Way About Being an Indie Author & Finding Your Purpose/Gift
As stated at the end of the video right above, because of the internet at our disposal, there are many people posing as experts online just because they’ve googled a topic. The Dunning-Kruger Effect is one reason why I made sure to clarify on my About Page that I am NOTan expert or mental health professional. I enjoy doing research and compiling the most informational resources into one blog so that others may learn, along with me.
So what do you think? Do you know anyone who falls into the The Dunning-Kruger Effect description? Do you?
If you’ve read my scifi book, Negus, you may have remembered a short story about aliens secretly conducting research on earthlings. In the below passage, the aliens provide feedback on sugar in a letter to other reseachers back home:
“There was one sandy textured ingredient in many of the food that we learned was called refined sugar. It is the most detrimental of all so far. We believe this is the main aggressor and contributor to the progressive aging and cell damage. The beings do not seem to be aware of this, as they feed their offspring this poison. It must also be noted that almost every single “food” here has this poison.
However, the chemicals have a very delightful taste! We have found in an unfortunate way, that some components of the additives are for addictive purposes. You see, after having sampled a few processed foods under the category of what they refer to as “sweets”, we began to experience a deep yearning for more. We have finally weaned off of the poison for good after numerous fails, with no intentions of ever consuming it again.” – Excerpt from my scifibook, Negus.
Virtually every processed food has sugar, including foods that most wouldnt classify as sweets (bread, pasta, pizza, etc). This may be one reason why processed food/comfort food is so addictive. There are other addictive additive in processed foods that also also accounts fot this. However, on this post, sugar will be our primary focus.
According to verywellmind.com, “The hedonic value of sugary foods is the intensity of pleasure experienced by the person eating it. The point at which sweet beverages are most pleasurable has been identified at 10 percent. This is known as the “bliss point.” Food retailers keep their foods as close to the bliss point as possible to stimulate people’s desire to re-experience the bliss point by eating that food again and again.”
Like drugs, sugar also releaeses dopamine, which is the brain’s reward system.
I also recommend everyone read or own a copy of The Brain Bible by John Arden, which explains in detail the physical affects of sugar on the brain.
An excerpt fromt The Brain Bible:
“Sugar is potentially destructive to the body, especially the brain. High levels of sugar contribute to premature aging, and aging makes you less tolerant to sugar in your blood.”
“Sugar stiffens protein molecules by creating pigments called advanced glycation end products (AGEs). AGEs act like a chemical glue that fuses molecules, causing a process called cross-linking. Consider what happens to a piece of meat when you leave it too long on the grill. Not only do you brown the skin, you toughen in. Overcooked meat is cross-linked, making it difficult to cut ot chew. When your cells have cross-linked, many processes become impaired.”
Imma gonna jump right into this. No need for an introduction as the title has already introduced exactly what this is about. This is to all the indie writers who had to learn the hard way, for those who may have already knew this before becoming independant, and to those who have no idea. (This may offend a few folks.) Here it goes:
This post will be mainly videos from the views of those suffering with
also known as
In short, BIID is the overwhelming desire to be disabled, which may or may not include a desire of being amputated. Some wish to be paralyzed and even blind. People who suffer from this feel a huge discomfort with being able-bodied and sometimes go through extreme measures to have their wishes come to fruition. People suffering with BIID are said to have had their desire starting from adolescence.
The condition is said to be related to a condition called:
which is said to be a delusion where someone denies ownership of their own limbs.
So I know that this is a mental illness. However, as a scifi writer and someone who is very open-minded, I believe that it’s possible that these people may have suffered some form of disability in their previous lives (past lives).
Now go ahead an grab some popcorn before getting into these videos. As you will soon discover, BIID/BID is a truly interesting condition. Dont forget about what I’ve said about my past-life theory while you watch! 🙂
Check out the video below of a woman who purposely blinded herself because she’s always felt she should have been born blind.
I wanted to briefly touch on a condition that I recently learned about this weekend. It’s called
and it’s basically the inability to imagine or visualize. Of course, as an author and an avid reader, this caught my attention and prompted me to further look into this.
This condition may also be a reason why some folks just don’t like to read. As a bookworm, and a writer of fiction I must admit this is kind of shocking and a little heartbreaking. As stated in the video, this would also be a reason why some do not do well with guided meditations.
(EDIT: I’ve gotten alot of feedback on my instagram (@author.wenda) over this post from people who have Aphantasia. Particulary the part about reading. Apparently there alot of folks with Aphanstasia who are bookworms and even authors. Go figure! There may also be a specturm as well.)
What do you think about aphantasia? Do you or someone you know have this condition? Have you heard of this condition before? Let me know in the comments below.
According to studies, about 1 in 50 Americans suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (also known as BDD or Body Dysmorphia). The thing about BDD is it’s important to be knowledgable about the difference between normal insecurities and BDD.
Check out the video below by Dr. Tracey Marks
I wanted to blog about this topic to determine once and for all if there are serious repercussions to sleeping with cell phones. Especially since i’m always finding myself reminding my teenage daughter and my friends to sleep far away from their mobile devices (or have it on airplane mode). I also frequently suggest placing your phone on speaker when on calls, instead of holding it up to your head.
So let’s get straight into it.
The main reported reason why there are concerns is that
However, there a few researchers, as well as the CDC and other organizations that say otherwise. Check out the short video below opposing the belief of dangers:
Although the CDC says its harmless, many organzinations, medical journals, and medical professionals say otherwise.
I recommend reading Disconnect: The Truth about Cell Phone Radiation, What the Industry Is Doing to Hide It, and How to Protect Your Family, by Dr. Devra Davis.
You can also check out:
All three are available in audio if you aren’t too fond of reading.
I have also mentioned this in one of my science-fiction stories as well
So what are your thoughts on the issue? Do you believe that there are possible risks to sleeping near your phone? Do you sleep near your phone? Do you believe that there may be reason for concern? Let me know in the comments below.
There are beneficial links between sunlight, sleep, and mental health. Not only does the sun help produce vitamin D, but it’s beneficial to our brain’s seratonin levels, which helps boost moods. This is especially important because a low level of seratonin can trigger mood disorders and depression.
See Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) for the link between sunlight & depression.
You may not be aware of the known links between sunlight and mental health. Not only does the sun help produce vitamin D, but it’s beneficial to our brain’s seratonin levels, which helps boost moods. This is especially important because a low level of seratonin can equal depression. (See Benefits of Sunlight)
With that being said, sunlight or lack thereof is associated with Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as, Seasonal Depression or SAD. It affects over
and can trigger depression and mood disorders.
While some people thrive during the summer and are affected by SAD during the winter, there are those who suffer from the opposite.
Although less common, this is often referred to as reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, onset SAD, or Summer Depression
Research shows that southern states of the US are affected more by reverse SAD than nothern states. This may be due to high heat temperature, which can be uncomfortable and agitating.
(FOR SAD & ONSET SAD)
If you’ve never watched the Netflix Original series, You, I’d suggest you check it out if you’re into psychological thrillers.
The series follow a seemingly friendly guy name Joe Goldberg who meets this cute young woman, Guinevere Beck aka “Beck” , at a bookshop where he works. As the series goes on, viewers discover just how obsessed Joe is with Beck.
The series is based on a novel by Caroline Kepnes of the same name.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. Therefore I cannot diagnose anyone. However, based on the characteristics and actions of Joe Goldberg, there’s a slight chance that he would have been diagnosed with Obessive Love Disorder, or maybe not. However the series is awesome and I thought it’d make a great segue.
Unlike erotomania, which is an individual’s paranoid delusion of someone else (most times a celeb or someone theyve never met) being infatuated with them, the person being obsessed over are alive, real, and someone they may even be romantically involved with However, both erotomania and OLD are considered attachment disorders. ( Borderline Personality Disorder is also another attachment disorder)
I’ve recently published a nouvella where O.L.D. is mentioned just to bring some awareness to the disorder. In the story, one of the characters becomes obsesseed with a coworker.
You can check it out below:
PSYCHOTHERAPY- As always, seeking a licensed mental health professional is highly recommended. Medication may be prescribed, as OLD is often a disorder attached to other underlining mental illnesses.
Alas, the one post I’ve been dragging my feet on posting about
(also known as Emotional Dysregulation Disorder)
(Not to be confused with Bipolar Disorder, which is NOT a personality disorder. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder.)
I want to apologize in advance on the multiple videos posted below. I wanted to include as many educational resources and references about the topic at hand.
I recommend listening to at least the first 10 minutes of the below video. Out of all the videos, I ‘ve found that Dr Ramani breaks down the traits and characteristics the best.
It is important to remember that not everyone suffering from BPD have the same characteristics or traits, as there is a spectrum. Not every individual with this disorder is “crazy”, violent, and obsessive as portrayed in media. Therefore not everyone with BPD are exactly alike. Also, only FIVE of the 9 criteria must be met to be diagnosed, which means not all suffering with BPD are suicidal or etc.
As always, it is recommended to not self-diagnose. Please seek a professional for a proper diagnosis.
1. STIGMA ONLINE:
Borderline folks catch a lot of flack online. Just look through the many videos and comments on YouTube from disgruntled exes.
Men and women with BPD are often thought of as toxic, manipulative, and attention-seeking by some, when in fact, those with BPD feel love intensely and most have a fear of abandonment. Alot of times theyfeel a great sense of guilt whenever they do cause disruption. I wil admit that it does take a very patient person to be able to involve themselves romantically with someone with BPD. Of course this also depends on where the person with BPD falls on the spectrum and the traits they possess, as not all individuals are the same.
2. STIGMA IN HEALTHCARE SETTINGS
This is because they (people with BPD) are one of the hardest to treat because the disorder often misunderstood. In fact, not all therapist are willing to treat or understand enough about BPD. Those with BPD are often dropped as patients (see The Stigma Associated With Borderline Personality Disorder and Why Do Therapists Stigmatize People with Borderline? )
3. STIGMA IN HOLLYWOOD/FILMS
I’ve come to notice that alot of films based on a character with BPD are often exaggerated and doesn’t help the stigma already attached with BPD.
Single White Female
Welcome to Me
A Thin Line Between Love & Hate
As stated, not all individuals with the disorder have the same traits. Many cannot work and receive disability, while others are high-functioning.
The lack of knowledge is one reason why I recently published a fictional short story of a woman dating while secretly dealing with BPD. The story was written to help education and bring awareness.
when someone sees someone as all good or all bad and no in between. Its the reason why people with BPD tend to idealize others or demonize other people out of the slightest of things.
1. PSYCHOTHERAPY (Talk Therapy).….Seeking a mental health professional is recommended. Most professionals will suggest group therapy with others with BPD. Individual therapy is often long-term.
2. MEDICATION.....Depending on the severity/circumstances, medication can also be prescribed for emotion regulation.
3. AGING/TIME....For some, BPD may not a life-long disorder. Some are only affected for just several years, with the symptoms decreasing in intensity as they get older. The disorder mostly affects young women, but there are older men and women who are affected.
4. DBT Workbook (Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook). DBT is considered one of the most effective methods for treating BPD. Some professionals use it for group therapy but the workbooks is also recommended for individual use and can be found at online retail stores like Amazon.
There is so much more that can be said about BPD that i’m sure was missed in this post such as mood swings, impulsiveness, dissociation, and etc.
If you or someone you know may be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, the best thing you can do is research. There are also online support groups on Facebook for not only those with BPD, but for loved ones of those with BPD, as loved ones are also often greatly affected. Some have admitted that being around those with BPD is like always walking on eggshells.
So today I decided to talk a walk outside in this 73 degree weather (im in Florida). It felt great. I’ve always enjoyed jogging outside. My original plan was to use the treadmills at the fitness center in my building, but once I seen how beautiful it was outside and how perfect the cool to warmth ratio was, I opted to stay outdoors. I can use the fitness center once it gets cold.
I’ll keep this short because I have alot of writing to do. I’m currently working on my latest book titled, The Other Woman.
I just wanted to share some interesting photos i’ve taken this morning . I also have some really interesting facts about the health benefits of sunlight and walking that you definitely wanna check out below.
See the videos below for the benefits of sunlight and daily walking :
When I was eleven my father died. I didn’t cry when my aunt broke the news to me, nor did I cry during the funeral. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 30s that I finally broke down and cried over my father’s death. However it wasn’t without consequences. One could even point out that my clinical depression (atypical) & trichotillomania, more than likely stemmed from what is referred to as Masked Grief.
Then there’s Delayed Grief.
Unlike delayed or masked grief, sufferers of Prolonged Grief Disorder “deal” with the loss head on, but not in the most healthy way. A great example of this may be the main character of the television series, Monk.
In this series, Adrian Monk, has a hard time letting go of his deceased wife, Trudy. Even after over 9 years, he refuses to take off his wedding ring, he keeps his late wife’s office intact (while still paying rent for it), he refuses to date, his coffee table is kept the same angle his wife would have it when she rested her feet on it, and much more. His loss of his wife has even magnified his OCD to the point where he has to see a shrink. There are even scenes where he hallucinates and have full conversations with Trudy.
Although the symptoms may not be as exact as those I’ve just stated, below are signs of one who may be suffering from prolonged grief disorder:
Normal grief is defined as having 5 stages:
1. Denial & Isolation
3. Bargaining (“if only..”)
It is not always necessarily in the same order for everyone nor do everyone go tthrough all five.
As if grief alone isn’t difficult enough to deal with, grieving isnt as always cut & dry. In fact, there are various other types of grief that many people may not even be aware that they or someone they know may be dealing with.
Below are a few resources for coping with a loss:
It is always recommended to speak with a professional or at least someone you can confide if you’re having thoughts of suicide or feelings of hopelessness .
Rest in Power grandma
I’ll keep this topic short while providing links because this a subject very near and dear to me. I suffer from trichotillomania, which is a hair-pulling disorder and the reason why I wear wigs even though I’ve wanted to grow locs for years. It’s kind of been a coping mechanism for me. Except that I cannot control it.
Sometimes I do it without realizing it. It really bothers me when people feel they have the right to judge women..especially black women..who wear wigs or weaves . Unfortunately, there are many women who need them because of cancer and alopecia. However, the one thing that most people never seem to hear or talk about is trichotillomania.
There is also a movie starring Charlize Theron about a depressed writer with the disorder. Since I am also a writer with trichotillomania it was a little hard for me to watch at first.
Like the individual in the picture above, my hair is way longer in the back. The front and middle is patchy and way short because of my hair pulling disorder.
Because of trichotillomania, I also keep my hair short under fake hair and its also a reason why I no longer date.
A few weeks back I wrote about Writer’s Depression and how a surplus of writer’s suffer from depression. Well there’s another thing that I recently found out that writers also deal with regularly: Writer’s Guilt.
I have suffered from writer’s guilt for years now. Before I go further into detail about how it’s affected me, I must clarify that there are two forms of writer’s guilt.
Either way, below are a few links to help get you out of that Writer’s Guilt. Whether it’s guilt from writing too little or from writing too much.
I would also like to add that joining and participating in a writing group is also helpful. I am a member of writing group on Facebook, where writing challenges are posted each day. This helps in getting out of that non-writing funk.
You can also purchase creative writing journals under $10 on Amazon. Here are 3:
Before I begin, I would like to stress that I am a huge supporter of black entrepreneurs and black-owned businesses. I collect artwork from African-American artists, I purchase books from self-published authors of color, i’ve ordered hair care products from black entrepreneurs, and the list goes on.
Among other reasons, many African-Americans are switching to services and businesses ran by our own due to the mistreatment some receive from non-blacks.
See examples below:
For that reason many are flocking where we’re accepted. However, not everything is peachy with the black-owned business. Yes, we’re accepted, and no, we don’t have to worry about racial profiling, but there’s one issue that black entrepreneurs and freelancers must correct and improve upon:
9 times out of 10, customer service skills and professionalism are lacking and it’s crucial when dealing with customer complaints or issues. It’s not professional to go from 0 to 100 and to lash out at the people who help fund your business.
For instance, on Facebook, Ive witnessed a start-up black-owned business, specializing in apparel, curtains, and backpacks, block a relative of mine and others after merely commenting their concern of receiving the wrong order or asking questions about an existing order. I even read a comment where someone suggested the entrepreneur who ran the business page, to hire a public relations or customer relations employee because she was turning off potential customers with her attitude and responses to their questions.
However, she’s not the only entrepreneur i’ve witnessed or heard about exhibiting unprofessionalism. ( See article: Black businesses and customer service: Our critical success factor , )
I, too, am also fed up with the lack of customer care. One of the few black graphic designers I hired to create 3 book covers for me, did not deliver within the turnaound time promised. In fact, two of the covers were completed weeks after and the third was never delivered although I had paid for it. When asked for a refund for the third cover (I wasn’t willing to wait another few weeks when other graphic designers deliver within 24 hours), I was always given the runaround about issues her paypal was having with issuing my refund. That was 2017 and I never did receive that refund.
Within a month, I have done business with two black-owned business that left a bad taste in my mouth. One entrepreneur stopped responding to my calls and messages after filing my taxes after I asked for a copy of my filed taxes, which I somehow never received (Yes, I filed my taxes late this year). The very first time I called, she assured me she would email it right away (I live 4 1/2 hours away and desperately needed it to complete my financial aid). She never sent it. I let 2 days pass and I still hadn’t heard anything so I sent her a text, to which she texted back her business number for me to call. I called the number multiple times and the voicemail would pick up. I left a message on her voicemail and still nothing. I waited a day for her to return my call and did not receive any communication back. Finally I contacted the IRS to have a copy mailed to me. To this day, I still have not heard back from this woman or any of her business partners, nor do I know why she is holding my document hostage. I filed my taxes in June, so it’s not like she’s swamped with other tax customers, although she does have other services she specializes in.
The latest disaster with a BOB, that inspired this rant, is my disappointing encounter with organizers for a popular Atlanta bookfest for black authors. I’ll spare you all the details. Long story short, my books were to be displayed at the bookfest and after paying 80 bucks to have them printed and shipped, the post office emailed me to let me know that the address was wrong and that the box of books were sitting at some post office in GA awaiting pick up. Turns out, the address that was listed on their website was wrong. They admitted it via email, and gave me the correct address. I’m not going to lie, I was very upset. Especially because there was no apology or empathy on their part. When I asked what should I do, since I don’t live in GA and therefore cannot pick up the box, they didn’t reply. I called the number to the post office and was told that they could not change an address on a package. The package would be sent back to sender after 10 days. By then, the bookfest would be over. I emailed the organizer(s) again to ask for a refund on the small fee I had paid to have my books displayed and was promptly emailed 2 sentences back asking for my paypal info and stating that my refund would be issued by the end of the business day. It is now days later and I still have not received a refund nor have I heard anything back. I’m angry because I wasted 80 bucks and they showed absolutely no compassion, regret, or care for their error. Tired of waiting for the refund, I finally contacted my bank to file a dispute. (Update 8/19/19..I received an email after the event stating that my books had been picked up and were on display for the event 🙄)
I also paid a fee for two of my books to be sold on their online African-American bookshop. This is a service I had been receiving numerous emails and DMs on IG about. On July 3rd I finally decided to go on ahead and pay the fee to have my books added. It has yet to be added. When I emailed a couple of days ago to ask about the status, I was told they needed my books’ IBSNs (was anyone every gonna contact me to ask?) I emailed them back within a half an hour with the information and have not heard anything, nor were either of the two books added. They did not provide a turnaround time but their website stated having the products added to their site was quick and simple. I will not file a dispute with my bank for this issue because I have not asked them to cancel the service or asked for a refund. I always try to follow protocol first. I’ve decided to give them a couple of more weeks before asking for a refund if they don’t follow through with their end of the service.
All in all, I couldn’t help feeling like I was a nuisance, instead of a customer with an issue.
This is a call to action for freelancers and black entrepreneurs to invest in learning customer service skills or hiring customer care professionals! To them I say: i’m sure you don’t accept nor expect anything less when you’re a customer. This has even helped me to open my eyes as a freelance writer myself. Please remember that customers do have a choice as to where and who they spend their hard-earned money with.
Below, I have a couple of links for anyone who has become exasperated, like I have, with dealing with the below par work ethics. Hopefully, it’ll help convince you to give other black-owned businesses a shot.
I also wanted to add a list of Black-owned nail salons that I found on social media:
Do you agree or disagree? Comment below.
We’ve all heard or read how the infamous Sylvia Plath stuck her head in an oven and committted suicide at the young age of thirty. (If you haven’t, click here) Plath suffered from clinical depression. We’ve also heard about other writers and creatives who suffer from depression. Many writers forget or may not even be aware that we’re more prone to writer’s depression.
My aim in blogging about this today is to ease and help cope with my own depressive state at this very moment.
Out of all creatives, those who write are more prone than any other type of creatives.
If you’re not a writer but know someone who is, check in on them from time to time. Even if they seem happy. A mental health check is pertinent to that writer because we tend to isolate ourselve for hours to day to weeks or months when creating. We’re also our own worse critic and even the slightest bad review on our work can set off doubt and self-loathing within ourself.
This helps with the isolation aspect of it. I personally tried this and agree that this does help with feeling isolated as well as my overeating.
So check on your fellow creatives..especially our young and teen writers.
If you or anyone you know are having thoughts of suidicide, there is help:
You call or chat with someone using the above link.
Deaf or hard of hearing? tel:1-800-799-4889
This blog post is dedicated to the late Haitian blogger and writer, Kreyolicious.
It’s important to slow down once in a while and just be still and reflect. Whether it’s meditation, yoga, napping, journaling, reading, and even coloring, put away all of the distracting technology for a minute and just be.
A lot of time we surpress toxic habits or worrying thoughts and they manifest in a different way. For me it’s binge eating and also trichotillmania, which is the impulse of pulling out one’s hair.
Smoking, excessive drinking,frivolous spending, and promiscuity may also be ways in which stress manifests itself.
Shut off all technnology, light some incense, and just be still. I recommend meditation.
Your employer or insurance may cover therapy. Also, there are government programs that assist in free or low-cost therapy.
Exercise is also a great way to relieve stress and is a method I have been using, albeit not consistently. Also cooking more, instead of eating out, is another way for me to enjoy being in the moment and perfect my cooking skills.
Kicking back with friends to let your hair down is also important as isolation can often lead to depression. Having someone to talk to is encouraged rather than staying alone with your thoughts.
Whatever it is you enjoy or prefer…do it and do it often.